I have so much to write about – I have mastered the art of cooking without a kitchen, cleaning without running water – or with extremely limited water supply. Lived through another garden season with tears and joy, or even tears of joy? I have whole brand new career path as IT business analyst and I am now certified UX designer (Need help?). I feel like finally I have landed at a job I was supposed to do all along. Simply put – I draw and write all day long. (Is that the reason I don’t have words for blog posts?). And so much more from previous experiences. And all these are scattered around like fallen Scrabble pieces.
Watching the news or scrolling through social media I see so much blind hate, more and more groups of people torn apart and in the edge of raging. I wish the world could heal and calm down. I wish humans would stop fighting about everything and with everyone. How come we can’t just live and support each other? Lift each other up and value a real person, not judging by the shell we are wearing at this life and stop being offended by everything that has ever happened.
In the dark-dark rainy night, home alone and wondering about life. I keep find myself struggling more and more every time someone asks me a simple question: “What have you done?”. I don’t have a slightest idea what people expect to here or what am I supposed to say.
If I say – I have been just living my life, doing my work and home things – it’s not enough. Should I make up something exciting and fun? In simple day to day life there isn’t much to say. Really. I am living, with some ups and downs, but nothing news worthy nor big. Just a simple life. Or should I start to rant and blame everything around me for everything? This last part seems to be widely spread lately. I really … don’t want to waste my energy on bitching about things I can’t control. I don’t have any to spare.
Seamlessly few months have flown by since I last posted. I have by bits and pieces worked on few drafts, but there’s something off and they are not even close to being ready. At times it feels like I am scraping time for doing anything. Especially lately – the dark season began here and outside “the lights” are off since 5 PM. Almost to the second when work day is over. And it’s cold!
This year I find it harder than ever adjusting to the limits off being outside, seeing and feeling the sun. I have been working from half-outdoor home office from spring, which meant I had wind dancing around me and birds singing nonstop, while sitting in sun rays. And now I am stuck inside. All day, all night. Lucky if I get a small walk around the garden. Can we fast forward to summer?
I wish I would dare to set a goal to get myself back on writing track. I know setting goals should help, some believe it’s the only way anything gets done. But my energy levels are so low I tend to struggle with getting done things I really need to do so I won’t set goals to set myself up to feel like a failure in one more thing. Most of the time the scrapes of energy comes from counting real life monsters I have beaten and how much there is to go until all of them are gone. There is a light at the end of this tunnel and it’s getting closer. I am hopeful. And though it might not seem like this – I am thankful for all the small blessings I have in my life. I don’t have much, but I will survive. And I am ten times stronger than I was a year ago. In every way.
I have been missing, while being right here.
